i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
