never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
