Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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