Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
