My brain says no but my pants say off.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
