i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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