Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
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