so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
