508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
