why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
