I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
