Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
