Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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