you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
