the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
