I could make wine with my vomit
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
