Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
