i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize