does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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