Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
