a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think people are normalizing furries
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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