You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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