Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
