I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
