The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We need to get me chipped asap
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
