it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
