When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she pinky promised me she was 18
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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