whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
