I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
