so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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