By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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