i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
