do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
