Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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