You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
