how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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