So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I am one with the molecules
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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