it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
