god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
