i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
