he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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