Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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