I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
