Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
