my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
