One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
