okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
