Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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