there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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