How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
