the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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