Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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