i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
