I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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