guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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