Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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