he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Floor bacon is actually really good
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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