My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
