I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My balls are so social today.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
im on a boat
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