I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
