i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize