White coat. Heels.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
