He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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