Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
