Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
