is your mom at the bar?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I think I just sharted jello shots
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
The ass gains better be worth it
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