we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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