wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
