Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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