Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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