accomplished twins. life is a go
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
