No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
