i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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