living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
