Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize