Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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