i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
