every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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