last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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