Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
