This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
