i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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