I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
