her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
