the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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