Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
