so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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