i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
