i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
