We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize