I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
