I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Randomize
